When I started this blog as an online journal of my exploration of aromatherapy and later to share my adventures in bee-world, I promised myself not to shy away from writing about good and bad experiences. Because sometimes in life things do go wrong.
However, I made a decision several weeks past, which once I realised what I had done, left me paralysed with self-doubt and unable to move forward. I found it difficult to write after the impact fully hit me around two weeks ago.
It was a decision made at a time when I should not have made such a huge choice about my life – whether to go right, left or stay on the same path. My uncle’s death was only fading from my mind while my grandmother’s terminal illness was looming large, and my parents were understandably too preoccupied to talk things through as we would normally. Looking back, I don’t even recognise the person – me – who made the decision. That said, the decision was mine to make and I must accept full responsibility.
The right choice for me, I know now, was to stay on the same path and continue to move towards a goal that I have wanted for many years and that I may have been close to reaching. Instead I strayed off the path and once I realised this I found it very difficult to accept and to just get on with things.
But I can’t turn back time. My only choice now is acceptance, to believe that everything happens for a reason, and to hope that there is something new and positive on the horizon that I can’t yet see.
I have allowed myself two weeks to be sad and that is all the time I will allow.
Life has thrown much bigger things at me in the past and I have survived them all. So I will survive this and I will get back on track at some point in the future. Till then, I’m going to do my best to stop neglecting the parts of my life that I love – the amazing, incredible people who surround me, my bees, my blog, my photography…
My friend Lisa told me that transformation is often painful – like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis because its wings must be tested to be strong enough to fly. This is my period of transformation and it has been painful, but soon I will be strong enough to fly high again.
And my next post will be much happier! It’s all about a wonderful surprise this weekend – from someone who is very right in my life – that has put a huge smile back on my face.